Do you struggle with Perfectionism (like me)?

Ok so I'm in an incredible book club with my Empath mentor Stacey Friedman right now and last week we dove into Perfectionism. It was a theme we all felt really called to discuss deeply so we took a whole session to talk about it.

It's funny because right before we went into breakouts to discuss where we thought our perfectionism came from (we ALL suffer from it, by the way - I am not alone and neither are you!), I was really struggling. I couldn't pinpoint where it really came from. I thought "I've just always been this way."

And then I realized it.

I realized that I am the baby.. youngest of 3 and my 2 older siblings were 6 and 8 years older than me. So when I was, say, 5 they were 11 and 13... teenagers. My brother was the oldest and of course was a rule pushing teenager and I could see that he pushed buttons. And he and my sister were close enough in age that they just fought all the time. And the two of them got in their share of trouble for parties or talking back.

And there I was as a small child witnessing all of it.

I'm also an Empath so not only could I see it all, I was also absorbing it all. Like... AB-SOR-B-INGGGG. Until I learned I was an Empath last year I really had ZERO idea that I absorbed peoples' energy. But I do. So here I am.

As a small child, I was not only seeing with my eyes but feeling with all of my senses whenever my sister and brother would push the buttons and/or get into trouble. 

And I must have subconsciously decided then and there that I WOULD BE THE GOOD KID. 

Of course I didn't know then what I consciously know now but I most definitely remember thinking so many times over the years about how I'm the good kid... The one who does everything "right" (whatever the hell that is). I didn't want to get in trouble so I'd conform and rarely got into trouble.

To top it off, I've always been SO sensitive... emotionally, yes, but also physically. My skin gets very red very easily. And a small bump or hit really really hurts my skin. Again, I didn't realize that this isn't the same for everyone and this is something "special" about the way I was born until I realized I was an empath.

So what does this really have to do with anything?

Well, in my last blog post, I touched on how my perfectionism held me back in School from taking those computer classes. I think that I was - somewhere inside of me - desperate to just fit in and not rock the boat. To be that "perfect" cheerleader, liked by everyone (I'm sure I wasn't), and who didn't rock the boat. Who did "everything right," including staying away from the rowdy kids and the ones who frequented detention. 

It's funny how as you get older, you just stop caring so much about some things. Over time I've become great friends with some of those kids I was "scared of" back in high school. And when I moved out of my first job in a small meeting planning office and into my corporate job, I really stepped into my genius as a tech loving babe who can both understand the logistical meeting planning side of things and the techy IT side of computers. I love that I get to sit in between all the worlds and be a bridge - a gap filler - for those whose brains don't work the same way mine does.

And I love that this is what my life has come to now... and the point that I'm at where I get to spend all day every day empowering women to feel confident in their work/creations AND their tech!! :D

If you're comfortable... where do you think your perfectionism came from? How has perfectionism impacted your life? Has it stopped you from going after your dreams or from pursuing something new because you thought you had to have all the answers first? Join me in the comments!! 

BY THE WAY:

Did you know that it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to be perfect? Seriously. When I was doing Numerology Readings, I read over and over in almost everyone's charts to "let go of the idea of being perfect" and later read that we are ALL a work in progress. That is LITERALLY the point of humanness. If you were perfect, there would be no need for you to be here as a human - you would have reached enlightenment and you'd be a Deity. Cool huh? A little bit freeing, maybe? I certainly found it freeing when I read that (over and over again). I hope this helps you, too. xo